Dispatches From My Bed

Dispatches From My Bed: How it All Began

This is part I in a series documenting my solo masturbation adventures.

I started masturbating about twenty years ago at the age of 15. Even then, my exploits involved implements. Of course, I didn’t have access to sex toys but my masturbation sessions rarely employed my hand alone. My first dildo wasn’t a dildo at all. It was a smooth wooden-handled hairbrush with pokey metal tines on the brush side- not exactly sensible and definitely not body-safe. It had a hole in the handle, presumably for hanging (who hangs their hair brushes on a hook?) that made it a chore to clean. That same brush carried me through into my first year of college until I got smart and bought the real thing.

My other trusted instrument was my electric toothbrush. Those plastic bristles rubbed my clit raw but seemed worth it nonetheless. My parents bought me that fancy-schmancy toothbrush directly from our dentist for at least a hundred bucks. I’d like to thank them for their investment in my, umm, oral health.

These days though, my hair brushes no longer do double duty and my toothbrush is just for my teeth. In college, I became interested in sex toys. And since I was finally legal and had a shiny new credit card with my name on it, I bought myself a rabbit vibrator. Unfortunately, I knew nothing of body-safety, so my first real toy was a cheap jelly monstrosity. Soon I stumbled upon the active online community at Eden Fantasys. There, I learned all about sex toys and material safety.

After some egregiously shitty behavior, Eden Fantasys fell out of favor with many of its most active community members. There’s a metric fuck-ton of posts detailing the sex-positive toy community’s beef with Eden Fantasys so I won’t rehash it here. Eden Fantasys’ fall from grace was a real bummer for me though. After discovering their website, I became a sex toy fanatic. I’d order the toys online and a week or so later, they would show up in my campus mailbox in unassuming mailers. After I picked them up, I’d haul ass across campus so my roommates and I could admire my newest acquisitions. During that time, Eden Fantasys felt like a real community to me and I quickly became a contributor (reviewer). I didn’t write a ton of reviews because essay-writing took up most of my mental energy, but the amazing group of people at EF kept me coming back.

Now that I’m older, my routine is a bit more creative. Sometimes I like to create thematic vignettes for my solo trists. I’m not partnered and haven’t been for a while. But I’ve always wanted to create a romantic- or at least, exciting mood when I masturbate, so sometimes I try to stage my surroundings in a way that transforms my mood and piques all of my senses. “Dispatches From My Bed” will be your window into my sometimes elaborate means of romancing myself.